Friday, January 20, 2006

am a suppose to have an urge to “save the world?”

because i never really have.

there was a point in my life when i considered becoming a teacher, attempting to make the world of learning a safe, fun and loving environment but after taking a few educational classes in college, talking with some teachers that loved the profession and others who were disgusted with the profession, and finally teaching art to 4 and 5 year olds for 8 months after college, i had decided that it was the wrong fit for me.

i’m not regreting the above decision.
i love my current profession and all of the decisions i have made regarding my career since my stint with education.
i’m asking: am i suppose to be “wanting” to do more to save this world?

i have no urge too.

a few times a year i volunteer at the ronald mcdonald house and occasionally i sit down at my grandmothers retirement community and eat lunch with the elderly. they love it and i love it(they are so funny!). i bought a toy for "toys-for-tots" this christmas and handed it in at starbucks where i recieved a free coffee in exchange. i’ve donated to causes like AIDS and cancer in support of friends running or biking marathons for the cause. sometimes if i see a pink breast cancer support the cause product, like a candle or a bagel (panera sold them in the shape of a ribbon) i’ll opt for it in support of the cause.

but that’s it.

i dont make it a habit to donate money at the grocery store to some random organization so that i can sign my name on a hot air-balloon. i dont give spare change to the homeless. while i could argue my job is important to society because i help people express the way they feel, its really not all that important. if all greeting cards became extinct human beings would survive just fine.

all of it was really just fine with me. and still is, really. however, ohioian’s seem to be very proactive in “saving the world.” one colleague says she wants to go to eastern europe to visit the orphanges. i asked her why? she said she just wants to go there to give them a hug. i’ve never had the urge to do that, it seems way to sad. another went to thailand to rescue 8 girls from the rape/trafickking world, they paid $300 per girl to get them out. another joined habit-for-humanity and another is some sort of guidance counsler for “at-risk” teenagers.

that’s is all wonderful. more power to you. i’m just a bit skeptical. it’s like setting yourself up for disappointment. i’d never be satified. it’d be way to depressing having to think that their are more and more humans that need my help. more and more and more and more. forever. what an exhausting thought.

but that is not why i do not want to attempt to save this world.

i just have never had the urge or the desire. and i ask is that wierd? am i cold? am i not being a good, well-educated, generous citzen of this world?

Thursday, January 05, 2006

who is that man? that watches E! hollywood as he walks?


who is that man whom i saw in the elevator of my building this evening? he was the same man i see every weekday at the gym. a stalky, muscle toned body gently pulses out of his black skin as he walks at a pace that seems to be a little faster than leisurely on the treadmill next to mine. he is always there before me, most times leaves after me and always is walking.

although we have seen each other every weekday since november, we had never spoken before this evening. he walked onto the elevator covered in a beautiful mink coat which flowed down to the floor and had a extra puffed up collar. covering his eyes were giant shades which sides were covered in sparkling diamonds. i looked at him and half smiled then i looked out the glass elevator onto the cityscape and wondered what this rock-star was up too.

"so, did you have a good work-out?" he said right after he unsurely looked at me.
"yeah. it was ok. so where you going? i asked.
"6th street, then maybe sushi rock." he said.
"cool. i've heard about 6th st. i just moved here, i dont really know about places yet."
"o yeah, 6th street has a lot of fun places. where'd you move from?"
"south beach,"i said.
i know he gave me a wierd look beneath his stylish sunglasses.
"um, you moved from south beach to here." he asked.
"um, yeah, not really sure why at the moment," and then the elevator door opened.
"well, 6th street is good," he said as we both exited.

this shades in the dark wearing rock-star makes me extremely happy. i've finally met someone in cleveland that doesnt seem boring this dude might actually blend into my past life of living with the exotics, sans mink coat of course!